October 29, 2007

Pride in My Heart

I've leaned so much about pride the past few weeks.
I am really such a prideful person; it really is quite disgusting. I want everything to be perfect, even in my drabblings and musings here...I can't have a single mispelling, even in the word "mispelling". It seems as if everything I do has to reflect tons about who I am. I know that subconsciously and consiously, all that I do is to make sure that I look good. I claim that it is so God will get the glory, but in thinking over it, I don't really think that's the case.

I am a proud person.

There. I said it. It's frustrating to even admit that. :{ I don't want to be. I hate even looking at it.

But, I think it's the truth. I'm stuck on myself. I think my desire to write stems from a source of pride. I want people to read my stuff; I want peope to be influenced by what I think and say. The desire, the motivation, is wrong, or tends to be, at least. I want God to use me in great ways, but that's just it: I want Him to use me. I think way too much of myself. I should instead be saying, "LORD, how can You use me? I'm wretched and I don't deserve Your mercy!"

Please, LORD God, help me to be the humble Christian You call us all to be. Make me to see how weak and frail and undeserving I am, and how little I of myself have to offer. Even my writing needs to be seen as a gift from You, not something of my own making or working. Please, LORD, help me to understand what it is You desire of me, no matter what I have to sacrifice to please You. Please, God, make me as Your humble Son. Show me more of You and more of what it means to be Your servant. Help me to deny myself, take up my cross [daily] and follow You, in loving obedience and humility. Amen, LORD God. May it be.

1 comment:

Elizabeth Ellen Moore said...

I think we all deal with pride --especially me! I am reading a book right now called Humility: True Greatness by C.J. Mahaney. I strongly recommend it: It is an eye opener!